Sentinel 47: Gatekeeper

Final Post: One Year Home

2007-01-04T11:13:00.000-05:00

New Year's Eve brought both revelation and resolution for me this year. There I stood, in the middle of ordering a coffee, when a newspaper headline blasted me with emotion.Several minutes later, having cried all of the makeup off my face, I realized what was happening: December 31st, 2006 was a one-year anniversary. It was New Year's Eve 2005 when I departed active duty to join my family,

The War Tapes

2006-08-31T01:34:00.000-04:00

See it? Anyone?I haven't yet, but I WILL see this film. Just released, approximately two weeks ago, The War Tapes is a documentary film about the Iraq War. Three soldiers provide footage, interviews, commentaries on their twelve month deployment to Iraq.My veteran 'expert' opinion based on the trailer alone is that this film will do one thing for every viewer: it will provide a window into a

Coffee for Veterans

2006-06-12T19:34:00.000-04:00

...writing the post title brings wandering thoughts to mind about the possibility of opening a little coffee shop "for veterans"... but that's not what this post is about.There is plenty to tell about what has taken place since coming home from Iraq the first of the year. I can't fit it all into this post. My lingering participation with the military through the Minnesota National Guard has

Sometimes I miss the airfield

2006-04-27T23:31:00.000-04:00

the one with the helicopterswhere we kept company withO'Douls and chips and salsaand sometimes a DVD on the playerthere was no movie rental placejust a dusty warehouseWalmart-like storewhere we could buy themI miss the romance of escapethe fact that there was somethinglegitimatefrom which to escape in the first placeturmoiland loud generatorspeople dyingand loud helicoptersincoming roundsand the

Still in Shock

2006-01-13T18:02:00.000-05:00

This just in...Google 'failure' -- DO IT! The first result of the search is George W. Bush's biography!(Info via Jesus' General tracked back to Political Adolescent)Apparently, the mention of the GW-Google connection was only made in concert with mention of a fake profile of Supreme Court Justice nominee Alito, which the henchmen have yet to find! It's funny but with potential for offense.

Germans Have the Best Ads

2006-01-13T01:58:00.000-05:00

Got this on the sidebar of the "Sleepless in Munich" (Schlaflos in Muenchen), a podcasting site that, incidentally has decent commentary and pretty good music -- all in German, of course.... it's merely an ad for the "South German Newspaper, Germany's Big Daily Paper," with a free 2-week trial subscription...but it's funny. it sends me into this daydreaming spell, wondering, what kind of

"Lurker": Pejorative Term??

2006-01-13T00:33:00.000-05:00

...Apparently one reader at Paper Napkin thought so. Funny, but it's not clear from context whether this individual was actually a "lurker" herself! Crazy. Hey... I didn't invent the term. Look it up (I used Dictionary.com) -- the entry I saw even explicitly addressed the blog "lurker" definition as non-pejorative!Incidentally, I decided that viewing only one source for this definition was

I'M HOME!!! ...finally home...

2006-01-10T13:50:00.000-05:00

I'm home I'm home I'm home!!!!!!Now, I ask myself: What exactly do I mean by 'home' anyway??Well, first of all, I'm talking about the United States versus the Middle East. There's something about our ground that feels like home, and that feeling is ever-more profound with the longer absence.I felt myself breathe -- breath with no explosions -- breathe with no generator noise -- breathe in a hug,

Holiday Shout-Outs (Family Edition)

2005-12-23T13:01:00.000-05:00

The best way I know how... I'm wishing all a Merry Christmas.I'm bitter this year. Very bitter... but the taste of home is in my mouth... anticipation -- oh, sweet anticipation!So, in the spirit of the season... I have a couple shout-outs to make:My family at home:You've been there for me this whole year. We've shared, we've cried, we've laughed. Thanks for the wonderful break when I came home in

Time: What a Curious Thing

2005-11-26T12:16:00.000-05:00

My dear friends...Time is so short for me these days. I have had the pleasure of being reminded in so many uncanny ways that being short on time is a condition quite common to us all. I miss my home. I MISS MY BLOG!! Over all, I have had access to the internet, but never from my work desk, and I seem to be spending oh so much more time there lately.Quick-and-Dirty Tommi news:1. My operation --

MotherTouch

2005-10-24T02:50:00.000-05:00

My mother's hands have always meant the world to me.There are some aspects of this environment that make me feel particularly infantile -- those urges to curl up in some fetal ball of homesickness when my body hurts or when it seems there isn't anyone in whom I can "appropriately" confide about challenges and gripes. I seldom or never notice the ache of something missing until circumstances make

Longest Absence Yet... Happy Ramadan

2005-10-21T00:12:00.000-05:00

Such mixed emotions fill these days.On one hand, this environment is so sheltered, so capable of providing a hiding place from reality. Then again, my deployment to Iraq has given such ample opportunity to realize that SO MANY people are busy doing that regardless of location anyway! For some of us that is because the pain of sympathy is too great if we let ourselves feel; for some of us it's

Baghdad Ballad

2005-09-23T07:09:00.000-05:00

... so it's not exactly a "ballad," but I did finally find (make?) time to finish composition of a song that I suspect has been lying just beneath my creative surface for many months now. My beautiful guitar that I purchased here got a chance to sing. I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed creating. Endless thanks to creators of audacity software for making a project like this FREE.

Beer and a Bug Zapper

2005-09-16T12:34:00.000-05:00

...so it wasn't real beer; it was the Iraq-deployment non-alcoholic kind (which I hate consuming), but I had a "non-mandatoy" explain-to-the-executive-officer-why-if-you-can't-make-it event!The officers in my unit hosted a handful of officers from their/our higher headquarters on the roof of the three-storey building they now inhabit. My buddy Neil and I grilled the steaks, and I didn't eat any -

Taking Liberty...

2005-09-14T12:44:00.000-05:00

[with all sensitivity, intended... I'm fine. I'm sorry for any concern prompted by my extended absence. I'm trying to get to this posting more regularly, but believe me, if something (bad) happens, you'll see/hear something about it here.]Monday I took a trip to Camp Liberty in Baghdad. It was such fun and such misery all rolled into one. Another officer in my unit, Chris, needed someone to go

Post Script

2005-08-29T20:41:00.000-05:00

p.s. If you haven't checked out my images on Flickr lately, try it!

Where is My Exit??

2005-08-29T19:14:00.000-05:00

The days seem more difficult now. Any of you who are still frequenting my blog or checking your blogroll for indication that I've posted... I'm sorry for any scare I might have caused. It's not my intent to leave people hanging, and as a friend back home pointed out to me -- for some of my blog readers, posts are the only means you have of knowing I'm still okay. I have a number of topics that

While I was sleeping...

2005-08-29T19:04:00.000-05:00

While I was sleeping, ten dozen bombs bellowed, five hundred more died – including the four hundred most people won’t count – a water pipe broke, some power went out, some soldiers were shot at, some soldiers ate chow; a mouse’s dead carcass proliferates odor throughout my small office; the mayor has moved. Some soldiers went home, some visit, some stay; the server goes down; throw darts at

Mail Call!

2005-08-16T17:33:00.000-05:00

My thanks to the ever-constant shower of packages and letters received from home lately. I am in frequent contact with immediate family members to give feedback about the special items they have sent... but if my family isn't sure I've noticed, let me clarify: I NOTICE!! It's an awesome feeling to know how very present I am to you "back home." It is the closest I can get to actually being there

Pleasantville, Iraq (Part I)

2005-08-13T08:54:00.000-05:00

If you haven't seen the film Pleasantville, I would only recommend it for the sake of its visually artistic qualities. The cast of this 1998 film is substantial, starring big names such as Tobey Maguire and Reese Witherspoon, William H. Macy and others. There seems to be agreement that the film was a social commentary about prejudice, most say specifically about the Civil Rights movement,

Technical Difficulties...

2005-08-12T14:31:00.000-05:00

Mixed bag these days... I little tech problems, a little "me" problems, a little sadness -- aka resilience practice -- with challenges for our family back home. I'm still here. For many of you, I've been watching posts from you, composing responses, and hoping to publish this week's spurt of reflections and updates. Thanks for being there! Here's to another day... --Sentinel47

My Boy Omar

2005-08-07T14:37:00.000-05:00

"OmarCloseup" -by tommieveryday delightswith him"beautiful" soundsso much morebeautifulin this language --love in the eyesof a teen-aged boyah, to be so innocent again!innocence in the midstof chaos and warwar in the midstof hope and lovelove in the eyeof the duststorm- by tommi

Body Count

2005-08-07T10:42:00.000-05:00

It's been a frequent topic of conversation between Mary and me that the casualty count in Iraq is conspicuously lacking report of Iraqi civilian injury and death as reported in US Media. Seldom have I seen so much as an estimate, acknowledgement, or cumulative report of Iraqi civilians.That tells me that we're not telling ourselves the truth about what's going on over here. It makes the "war"

Port-a-John

2005-08-07T09:42:00.000-05:00

Speaking of Port-a-Johns...Spinning off from Pat's humor in my recent post and comments, "Voices at the Gate," I find myself wandering through thoughts about these dirty (necessary?) so-called latrines lately. During one of my necessary trips to the "John" today, I was perusing the stimulating reading material left on the walls. I imagine we have all seen the overused "For a good ____, call ___

Jenn: My FAVORITE Sister!

2005-08-07T09:02:00.000-05:00

"ant" by JenniferHere I go... as promised... sharing some of my sweet sister's photos. Jennifer has a blog that she maintains called "Digital Photos: Life Without Words." I'm posting here in order to share her handful touching works -- in part to motivate her to POST MORE! She has such an artistic eye, and I find myself thirsting for more of her beautiful photos. Hopefully you all feel the

Break for Beauty: Eric Payette's Photos

2005-08-07T07:41:00.000-05:00

"Sharlene et Andree -- Anne"I simply must take a break to admire the beauty of Eric Payette's photos. That link is specifically to his "Portraits" set, one of many intriguing and beautiful sets. I was moved by his "New Mom" set -- portraits of his wife and new baby, for everything I could ascertain.This is all one more great example of the sharing opportunities provided by Flickr, an excellent

Voices at the Gate II

2005-08-07T06:31:00.000-05:00

Here are a couple more quotes… I was trying so hard to remember them when composing the last post and couldn’t, so here they are now.================================================= Me: Fox, that’s a nice shirt. I love that color [lime] green on you.Fox: Thank you, but it’s the same shirt I wore yesterday. I hate wearing the same thing all the time.Pat: Me, too!If you don’t get the

Voices at the Gate

2005-08-06T09:29:00.000-05:00

Favorite quotes (and context) from the past couple days..."Ochay!" -The Turkish Guy, attempting to say "okay" in such a way that even Fox and Jr (our Iraqi interpreters) found humorous. In response everyone on my staff has adopted the word as replacement to its original."It's not that way. You just want it to be that way in your imaginary mind." -Fox, in response to my assertion that a good

Trying the Music Thing...

2005-08-03T09:46:00.000-05:00

I'm trying out the music thing. I'm convinced that I'm not doing this using the same method that my friend Kat has used at Keep the Coffee Coming, but I hope it works. My brother James introduced me to SaveFile in one of his posts on Food for the Brian. He posted an original song there that you might enjoy, so check it out while you're at it.Here's an original piano composition that I wrote

Faces Of Iraq

2005-08-03T09:21:00.000-05:00

the children, they smile -- some barefoot, some sandaled. Four sisters and a brother cling tightly to the lanky bringer of candies and hugs, the pale-skinned stranger, the soldier, the man. Mother steps aside a moment, allowing her daughters and son to receive a permanent impression of manhood, of provision, of courage. Don't think for a moment that these children feel pain. They don't

Someone Else Should Do It!

2005-08-03T07:37:00.000-05:00

I know I've been away a couple days... Shut my computer down for a day and a half to swap hard drives, fell a little under the weather, and just plain stayed busy. I'm back... here's more from the Gate:Had to laugh (and grimace) when reading Pat's "NIMBY" post regarding the syndrome of "that's a great idea; why don't you talk to [insert name of someone other than me here] about taking care of

Marriage Proposal!

2005-07-30T16:11:00.000-05:00

Sixteen-year-old Omar has proposed! I'm sharing the warm moment, hoping all of you will see the heart and humor in this passage for me. The dear boy is smitten with me, and I delicately find joy in exchanges with him each day at the gate.I am still unclear as to which point in Iraqi culture brings a boy into social acceptance as a man, but I'm confident my dear young friend Omar is convinced

The Fox Chronicles

2005-07-28T12:12:00.000-05:00

Trying to figure out how to create a "Fox Quotes" ticker box for this blog. He and his brother Jr are our faithful interpreters and the source of endless amusement and cultural "lessons." For more on that, check out the amusing and light-hearted "masturbation vs. crazy" story from a couple days ago. So here's the Fox Ticker from today...We're driving in a Humvee back to the gate from lunch, and

Whole Lotta Nothing: Thanks, Matt!

2005-07-28T11:47:00.000-05:00

Mary has introduced me to Matt at Whole Lotta Nothing. I'm flattered by the mention of the Sentinel page on his widely-read blog. Having now spent some time perusing his collection of note-worthy links and commentary, I highly recommend checking it out yourself if you haven't yet! And, by the way, Matt, it was a whole lot more than nothing to me!

View of My Room

2005-07-27T07:41:00.000-05:00

Here's a view of my beautiful room. As you can see, I have done as much as possible to create a non-military atmosphere in my little sactuary. The guitar mostly sits lonely in the corner, but I get her out when I can. To check out more images of my adventures here in Iraq, visit my Flickr site. More soon!

Recent Goings On

2005-07-24T12:34:00.000-05:00

My dear friends back home… many of you I have never met, but I still feel close to you. I feel the self-imposed obligation of fidelity. In a comment a few posts back, Randy asked me about the positive things, the things that keep me going, the things that bring smiles to my face. I didn’t realize until he pointed it out how often my focus here is negative, tolerant, survival-oriented. Through

Swimming Pool and Exercise

2005-07-21T15:11:00.000-05:00

Here's an overhead view of the pool and softball field on base. Today I visited the pool for the first time since arriving here.I got this great idea, and it worked out pretty well: exercise on the Elliptical machine (low-impact cardio) for thirty minutes and then take a dip in the pool. It really helps that Pat was a high school and college swimmer, so he gladly provided the good company to

Just Keep Swimming

2005-07-20T11:59:00.000-05:00

My family and I have found the most eclectic shared collection of movie quotes and moments. We’ve made memories there, and reference them later in what would appear to be vague manner – except in looking around the room, we find understanding in each other’s eyes. All human beings have reached moments or passages in which we felt the only way “through” was to back out all together. The film

BREACH!!

2005-07-13T14:25:00.000-05:00

The Gate has seen a change of command: the artillery unit providing security there – conducting searches, manning towers – for the first few months of the year, has rotated to a new mission for the next few months. Alpha Battery has taken Bravo Battery’s place. Not us, boy! Our little foursome will stay in our little cubby-hole office for the remainder of our deployment. That change

Catching Up

2005-07-12T14:20:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well… It has been so long since my last post, that I’m not sure where to start. A combination of so many things has been my excuse to stay away from posting on my blog – none of them individually sufficient to be excuse not to post. Until a little over a week ago, I

I am a LIAR!

2005-07-05T22:10:00.000-05:00

I'm going on 36 hours since I promised my dear friend Mary that I would post... show some sign of life... assure 'the world out there' that I'm not dead, that things are indeed still plodding along rhythmically in this hell. I promised that I would post before my tired head hit the pillow. I LIED.The Apache crash last week crushed me. I'm still trying to figure out why, but that's not why I've

Pat Said

2005-06-28T15:15:00.000-05:00

Oops! I forgot that Pat was in a place where he would be watching the blog and inadvertently put him in a position to hear me whining about work! Funny how quickly we traverse 8,000 miles in one way or other. Here is the response he wrote to "Falling to Pieces (Part I)":I'm sorry Boss! I lost count of

Falling to Pieces (Part I)

2005-06-28T06:05:00.000-05:00

I have this collage of topics…Trying to provide some sort of marker as to where I am, where I’ve been and what is occupying my time and mind these last few days: 1. Lame-ass subordinates. There is a huge project for which my office is responsible, “non-tactical” vehicle passes. Believe it or not, there are somewhere in the neighborhood of 1200 vehicles that fall into

Training the Iraqi Army

2005-06-25T12:24:00.000-05:00

For anyone who thinks I see real action here in Iraq, think again. I'm not trying to diminish the relative threat at one of the country's largest entry control points (ECP), but I recently discovered that one of the guys I talk to frequently on my base has a blog too!!!There have been recent discussions about the (in)competence of the Iraqi Army in taking over operations in their own country, the

Music to share with the Community of Remembrance

2005-06-22T12:35:00.000-05:00

I recognize, as Mary has shared, that there is a Community of Remembrance -- a circle of faith -- surrounding me while I serve my time here in Iraq. Kat has shared music that carries sentiments of that community, affirming the words of Bill Staines to me, "you take our love with you"; Ken expresses appreciation for heroes in his corner of the world, and generously includes me among them; Randy, a

Surreal Exchanges In Kuwait

2005-06-21T03:20:00.000-05:00

I was on the way back from the US, caught in the quagmire of layovers and bus rides, plane hops and more bus rides. There is an airport/base in Kuwait called Ali Al Salem, where our travel group waited a few hours to catch a flight up to Baghdad. There was an outdoor break area, a holding tent, an abundance of stinky port-o-johns, a shortage of cold water, and WAY too much heat and sun. I had

To the Moon and Back

2005-06-18T15:41:00.000-05:00

So… Here I am, back in Iraq. I took my 15 days of leave at home, and I REALLY NEEDED IT. I am exhausted from the travel back, but work and life here are bouncing back to rhythm for me, having never changed for the people I left here in the interim. My boss even gave me an assignment within the first hour after I was on the ground! I left my base on May 24th; spent 40 hours at Baghdad

Innocent Blood?

2005-05-16T06:41:00.000-05:00

I haven’t been to many funerals, and I only handle real blood well in certain contexts. It has been about a week and a half since I experienced this event that I will write about.I received a call from a colleague in my field that there was a detainee at one of the Aid Stations on our base. Pat (my senior NCO) and I met him and another colleague, and the four of us traveled there together.

Providence: Girl Time to the Rescue!

2005-04-29T09:12:00.000-05:00

Providence has stepped in to intervene between me and my pain. There is another female officer in my "pod" (the city block-plus of trailers I'm in, of which there are over 30 on base), who I occasionally see in the latrine trailer. Her name is Teresa, and she's about the same age as me, intelligent, sensitive, observant and single. ...= hopefully we have enough in common to enjoy each other's

Gender War

2005-04-29T03:47:00.000-05:00

Ok. This is a rant. It probably won’t be very organized or polite, but at least it gives me a way to gather – and share – the thoughts that have been pounding on my mind over the past several days.I am in Iraq as a service member in the United States Army. I am a commissioned officer with prior-enlisted (3 years) experience before entering Officer Candidate School. I am a professional. I am a

Million-Dollar Asphalt

2005-04-24T16:14:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about what my more candid commentary was in the States, when anyone would ask me whether I thought it was good that our military is in Iraq. The question would often be followed -- sometimes before I could even answer -- by an assertion of some kind alluding to the great progress of society and the great acceptance and gratitude of the Iraqi people for the support we're

Iraq Commentary: Economy and Social Currency

2005-04-22T12:49:00.000-05:00

Closed the office early today at the Gate. As it turns out, my interpreter, Fox, loves pizza. So my Master Sergeant (MSG) and I took him for pizza at the "food court" here. On a side note: yes, we do have a "Pizza Hut" here on base. However, the cheese is different, everything that should be "fresh" on a pizza came from cans, and it just doesn't taste the same. But pizza is pizza (or "pizz-er" as

Bunker Down

2005-04-20T03:14:00.000-05:00

So... being a rebel at the moment. It's 11:15 a.m. and the base was just hit with rockets about 35 minutes ago -- multiple locations of impact. Sirens go off, everyone is supposed to put all their protective equipment on (ha! that's what we wear at the Gate all day every day, anyway); and you move quickly to the bunkers. And you wait. And you wait. And at some point, there is an 'All Clear'

Back-dated journal: 12 January 2005

2005-04-10T07:14:00.000-05:00

[Written at Camp Atterbury, Indiana; 5 days to departure for Kuwait]Near tears, or something like that… it’s more the “army version” of what that means – nothing externally to betray my emotional difficulty. Feeling a little Closter phobic, and there’s nothing to be done about it. Except return to my “private” room in a cinderblock building. That shares a bathroom with the stranger on the other

The Gate and Me

2005-04-03T04:23:00.000-05:00

Ok, so it's not really Baghdad per se where I'm located, but you get the idea. By most standards this is a suburb, and that's descriptive enough for me. Our post gets hundreds of workers from the local population commuting to work among us daily. I work at the entry point, the passage point from outside of post to inside where it's "safe."The gate, the gate the gate... took rocket rounds two days